It appears the rest of the league got the memo re. Bobby Lou

It’s a good thing you get to stockpile all those points in the pre-season to…wait…what? You don’t get to keep those points from nearly going undefeated in the pre-season? When you beat Calgary’s try-out roster it doesn’t count? For serious?

Though it’s only a few days into the NHL regular season, the preseason prognisticator’s darling Vancouver Canucks have had an unexpectedly woeful start. Particularly pathetic has been the play of their Captain, whose 4.55 GAA and .820 save percentage are among the worst in the league. Adding insult to injury, the Canucks home opener was spoiled last night by Steve Mason and the Columbus Blue Jackets. Luongo was pulled early in the second after surrendering a trio of Columbus goals. More interestingly, perhaps, is this battle of the goaltenders in the home of the 2010 Winter Olympics. Both netminders were invited to Team Canada’s Orientation Camp, and Luongo looked to be a lock for the team (along with Marty Broduer). The display last night by Mason may give Team Canada architect Steve Yzerman and coach Mike Babcock a lot to think about. Calder winner Mason has been steadily proving he is a big time professional goaltender, and he can clearly compete on the world stage (see his 2008 World Junior Tournament MVP performance). Luongo, on the other hand, after signing a big contract in the off season has a lot to prove, particularly when it comes to winning big games.

Regardless, to all the mulleted hockey pundits and Vancouver fans round the globe who touted the big contracts of the Sedins, Luongo, and the acquisition of Mikael “Sambags” Samuelsson as a sign of Lord Stanley visiting the Island, I have this to say:

Ha ha!

Since the Canadiens have an entirely new roster, there are no pictures available of their current line-up in le bleu, blanc, et rouge. So, here's a naked chick with a Habs pennant.

Mike Cammallieri, and defensemen Jaroslav Spacek and big, slow, mistake machine Hal Gill in the early hours of free agency. Travis Moen, Gregory Stewart and Paul Mara were also added. Hitting the bricks were Saku Koivu, Mike Komisarek, and the exceedingly overrated Alexi Kovalev and Alex Tanguay. The Habs may have upgraded their roster with these moves, but it is certainly a big gamble to hope these pieces fit together (note that Scott Gomez never did with Chris Drury in New York). What they have is a serviceable forward unit, a strong defensive unit, and a young goaltender in Carey Price. The Canadiens will be in a battle for the last playoff spot, and it will likely depend on Price’s performance.

Current Cap Hit: $52.614M

Players to Watch: Carey Price

What to Expect: A logjam for this last playoff spot

St. Louis Blues: St. Louis scratched and clawed their way to the playoffs last season and, despite an early ouster by Vancouver, St. Louis showed a lot of promise. Perhaps most surprising was their response to an injury plagued regular season. Youngsters David Perron, Patrick Bergulnd, and T.J. Oshie put in important minutes and got great on the job training in all situations. Oshie in particular developed rapidly in the regular season and was dynamic down the stretch. The return of Erik Johnson to the blue line should bolster the Blues power play, giving them a skilled puck moving defenseman. Johnson will join Eric Brewer, Barret Jackman, and Carlo Colaiacovo as the defensive core. The goaltending tandem of Chris Mason and Ty Conklin should supply St. Louis with consistent goaltending from night to night. The Blues biggest challenge is their division. The Central Division is stacked from top to bottom, with all five teams in playoff contention. St. Louis will need to assert their dominance in games against non division opponents, and hold serve in their own barn. Still, St. Louis has youth, speed, grit, and some wily veterans, and can make some noise in the Western Conference.

Current Cap Hit: $50.6884M

Players to Watch: Oshie, Johnson

What to Expect: A breakout season for T.J. Oshie

7.) Carolina Hurricanes: The Canes are boring and I’m bored just thinking about them. They’ll bore their way to a playoffs spot and an inevitable boring exit.

Ladies and gentlemen...the 2009 Carolina Hurricanes!

Current Cap Hit: $55.279M

Players to Watch: Who cares?

What to Expect: There will be much yawning

There's gonna be a lot of this going around this year

Columbus Blue Jackets: Rick Nash is a force to be reckoned with. He has risen to the challenges presented by head coach Ken Hitchcock, and has developed into one of the best players in the league. The fact that he plays in Columbus Ohio is the only reason so few realize this. He, like only a handful of other players in the game today, has the ability to completely take over a game and impose his will on the opposition. He plays all three zones, scores short handed goals, is hard on the puck, and sees the ice well. Rick Nash led the Jackets to the post season in 08/09 and will do so again this year. The addition of shut down defensive forward Samuel Phalsson will help an already strong team defense. Their blue line is unspectacular, but solid. In goal, rookie Steve Mason was dominant, and looks to continue this year. The shine wore off Mason in the post season, but that was the result of his heavy workload in the regular season and the withering Red Wings offense. If Hitchcock can squeeze out 25 quality starts out of Matthieu Garon, they can keep Mason fresh for the post season. They also have some cap room to play with at the trade deadline. If they’re lucky they can win the golden ticket to be the team to roll San Jose in the first round.

Current Cap Hit: $45.565M

Players to Watch: Rick Nash

What to Expect: GREAT hockey in the Central Division

6) Buffalo Sabres: Buffalo has one big thing going for them, and it’s Ryan Miller. As good a goaltender as there is in the NHL, Miller had an off year

Your 2009-2010 Vezina Winner, Ryan Miller

in 08/09, battling injuries and mediocre play in front of him. Buffalo will expect big play from Thomas Vanek, Jason Pomminville, Tim Connoly, Derek Roy, and Drew Stafford. If they get it, they will be extremely competitive. Their back end is dependable, and headed by Craig Rivet, Toni Lydman, Henrik Tallinder, and Steve Montador. The departure of Jaroslav Spacek leaves the Sabres without a speedy, puck moving defenseman, and they will look to fill that void. Still, the Sabres will allow very few goals, and will be a formidable opponent, so long as they stay healthy from the blue line back.

Current Cap Hit: $54.6114M

Players to Watch: Ryan Miller

What to Expect: Lots of 2-0, 3-1 victories, and a Vezina nomination for Ryan Miller

Go Nucks!

Vancouver Canucks: The Canucklehead Faithful comprise one of the most rabid and deluded fanbases in all the NHL. Last year, they believed the signing of Mats Sundin signaled a sure Stanley Cup championship for Vancouver. This year, Mikael “Sambags” Samuelsson has been crowned the savior in Vancouver. Long term contracts for the Sedin twins and Roberto Luongo have rendered them cap inflexible. The loss of Mattias Ohlund could leave a hole in the defense, though they hope to counter that with the offensive production of Mathieu Schneider. Ryan Kesler and Alex Burrows bring strong two way play to the Nucks, and they are a defensively sound system. What killed them in the post season, however, was their refusal to press with a lead. Instead, they would fall into the trap and try to bleed out the clock. Chicago exposed them by continually attacking, forechecking, and generating chances. If Vancouver continues to rely on the trap to win, they will be successful in the regular season, but will falter in the playoffs. Of further concern is Bobby Lou’s post season performance, where he was pedestrian (at best) against Chicago. Now that he is on the hook long term in Vancouver, he needs to show he can be as good in the playoffs as he is in the regular season.

Current Cap Hit: $59.650M

Players to Watch: Roberto Luongo

What to Expect: Mikael Samuelsson skating offsides, turning over the puck in the defensive zone, and taking stupid, untimely penalties night in and night out.

5) New Jersey Devils: A predicted breakout season in 2009-10 by the American Datsyuk, Zach Parise has been dashed by the return of Lemaire to the Garden State. Parise notched 94 points last year and was an impressive +30 last season, and it seemed obvious, given his progression, that he’d top the century mark in points this season. With Jaques back in town, the Devils will no doubt fall into trap hockey. Parise will still get tons of ice time, given his defensive skills, and it would be surprising if he wasn’t in the running for the Selke at season’s end. His offensive stats will no doubt drop precipitously, and that’s a shame. Still, a return to the trap means that New Jersey’s team defense will limit Marty Brodeur’s workload, simultaneously putting them in a middle to high playoff position AND keeping him fresh for a deep post season run. As a bonus, Brodeur should continue shattering Patrick Roy’s records throughout the season, and who doesn’t like that? Their forwards (including Brian Rolston, Travis Zajac, Lamie Langenbrunner, and Jay Pandolfo) know how to play solid two way hockey, and will help the blue liners (featuring Paul Martin, Colin White, Johnny Oduya, and Bryce Salvador) install a stingy Lemairian defense. The biggest problem facing the Devils is that they are competing in the same division as Pittsburgh and Philadelphia.

Current Cap Hit: $52.058M

Players to Watch: Zach Parise, Paul Martin

What to Expect: Sure, the trap is boring, but at least they’re not the Carolina Hurricanes

Chicago Blackhawks: The mulletocracy’s darling to waltz to the cup, we here at the Left Wing Lock have expectations. First, the Hawks play in the

Two thumbs, way, WAY up for the Blackhawks Ice Crew.

most competitive division in hockey, and face a long and arduous season against the Detroit Juggernaut, the Rick Nash Experience, a St. Louis team with young talent rivaling Chicago’s, and markedly better goaltending, and the well coached and physically pummeling Nashville defense. Chicago’s offseason immediately seems like a success, as they added superstar underachiever (unless you count Stanley Cup runner up as a resume booster) Marian Hossa, whose busted wing will keep him out til December and limiting his ability to form any cohesion with his potential linemates. Adam Burish, one of their more consistent forwards has also been lost for 6 months, leaving an already wounded team limping into the regular season. Add to these woes, the much ballyhooed Chicago defense was badly exposed by the Red Wings in the post season. Brian Campbell, Brent Seabrook, Duncan Sheik, and Cam Barker became turnover machines when pressured. Don’t think the rest of the NHL wasn’t watching. Add to that the loss of Khabibulin, who carried the Baby Buzzards for stretches in the regular season. Cristobal Huet is the number one guy in the Windy City right now, and if history tells us anything, it’s that they’re in for a let down between the pipes. Finally, the Hawks are facing serious cap issues, and it is unlikely they will be able to resign both Toews and Kane this off season (it should come as no surprise if Kane is in a Buffalo Sabres sweater this time next year).  Their inauspicious start in losing to Zurich on the twilight of the regular season may be a sign of things to come. It’s now or never in Chicago, and despite what the mulletocracy have deluded themselves into believing, it’s the latter.

Current Cap Hit: $58.147M

Players to Watch: Toews and Huet

What to Expect: Marian Hossa: Always the bridesmaid, never the bride

4) Pittsburgh Penguins: The Detroit Redwings spent last season suffering from the Stanley Cup hangover, and the Pens will suffer it this season. Unfortunately, Pittsburgh lacks the depth to storm to the top of a tough division. They will get off to a sluggish start, but Marc Andre Fleury, making a play for the starting Canadian Olympic goaltending job, will keep them in the hunt. Evegni Malkin will continue to do the heavy lifting in the offensive zone (while Crosby gets all the credit), and the Pens will be a tough, tough team. The loss of Rob Scuderi may hurt the back end, and the Pens will expect Alex Goligoski to step in to the top four and produce, along with Sergei Gonchar, Brooks Orpik, and Chris Letang (that’s French for The Tang). The pens will be in the mix for the best in the East, but the Stanley Cup Hangover may knock them back a few spots from where they’d like to be. They will still be a tremendous team to watch, especially in their rivalries with the Flyers and the Caps.

Current Cap Hit: $55.668M

Players to Watch: Malkin, Goligoski

What to Expect: Sidney Crosby, continuing to taint punch dudes, and be Bettman’s bitch

San Jose Tin Woodsmen: Perennial pre-season prognosticator’s preference, San Jose enters yet another season poised to disappoint. Sure, all the Sharks fans will argue “But we got Dany Heatley!” Yes. You did. Last year it was the additions of Dan Boyle and Rob Blake were certain to get them over the proverbial hump. How’d that work out? Not well. Heater will certainly rack up big numbers skating with Joe Thornton, but the problem in San Jose has never been a talent issue. They can put the puck in the back of the net, seemingly at will. Yet the lingering issue remains. The sharks have no heart. Their core remains intact (Thornton, Patrick Marleau, and Evgeni Nabokov), and as they go, so goes the Sharks. Since the lock-out, the they have came out strong in the regular season and have been in the running for, if not winning the President’s trophy.  They play at one speed and one speed only, regardless of what month it is. When playoffs roll around and teams with less talent (Calgary, in particular in the past) bring their game to another level, and teams with equal or greater talent (Detroit) also step it up, the Sharks keep plodding along. They show no desperation, no resolve, and no heart. Shuffling off a few pieces like Cheechoo and adding Heatly won’t change that.

Current Cap Hit: $53.893M

Players to Watch: New Captain Rob Blake

What to Expect: Scorching regular season, early playoff ouster

3) Boston Bruins: Boston looks to improve on an outstanding 2008-09 season. They shed some weight in Phil Kessel, but remain a (relatively) young, skilled team. Marc Savard comes into the season with a chip on his shoulder after not being invited the Canadian Olympic camp over the summer, and will likely tear the eastern conference a new one. The interesting thing about Boston is that they have somewhat adopted the Detroit philosophy of puck possession and having big, strong net front players with good hands. Milan Lucic is the poor man’s Johan Franzen, and if he is able to skate with Savard, he’ll have a break-out year. The Bruins’ forward unit is also deep. In addition to Savard and Lucic, Patrice Bergeron, Michael Ryder, David Krejci, Marco Sturm, and Blake Wheeler round out the top end. The blue line is anchored by the painfully overrated Zdeno Chara and the tragically underrated Dennis Wideman. The D tails off somewhat after the top two, but their defensively responsible forwards are able to split the difference. Tim Thomas is the clear starter between the pipes and he’ll punch you in the mouth if you think otherwise.

Current Cap Hit: $59.796M

Players to Watch: Krejci and Lucic

What to Expect: Same as last year

Calgary Flames: The Northwest Division is weak. Really weak. The avalanche will be an embarrassment. The wild won’t be very good. Edmonton

It must be lonely in western Canada

has struggled mightily in recent years (though should be better), Vancouver is woefully overrated. Calgary should win this one by default. The addition of Jay Bouwmeester along with Dion Phaneuf, Robyn Regher, and Cory Sarich gives the Flames the second best defensive top 4 in the western conference. They are big, punishing, and mobile from the blue line back, and won’t be fun for the opposition to play against. Up front, Calgary will rely on Jarome Iginla, Olli Jokinen, and Daymon Langkow to provide scoring. David Moss notched nearly 40 points last season, and may pick up some of the offensive slack. Otherwise, it’s unclear where their firepower will come from. They lack depth at forward, and they will struggle if their top players can’t produce. Yet a bigger issue lies in net. Miikka Kiprusoff is a high mileage goaltender, starting  70+ games each of the last fouor seasons (not counting playoffs). Couple this with the joys of being coached by Goalie Killer Keenan for each of the last two, and an historically stellar goaltender is a question mark for this team. Perhaps the changes behind the bench will be a boost to his confidence. If so, the Calgary defense will be impressive, and they’ll roll through the soft Northwest Division

Current Cap Hit: $56.038M

Players to Watch: Kiprusoff

What to Expect: Lots and lots of highlight reel checks from the D

Tricky wizard Voldemort. Er...Varlamov.

2) Washington Capitals. The Caps, led by Alex Ovechkin and Mike Green are an offensive juggernaut. They play fast, loose, and move the puck with both confidence and reckless abandon. They can be simply overwhelming offensively and are liable to score at any moment. The off season acquisitions of Mike Knuble and Brendan Morrison will give them more depth (as will the addition by subtraction of sending Brashear to the Big Apple) at forward, and add some defensive responsibility from the front end. The Caps scoring capacity makes them a serious threat in the East, even with an at times shaky defensive corps. However, what puts the Caps over the hump this season is their revelation from the 2008/09 post season: Simeon Voldemort. Vinogradov. Varlamov. Whatever. His performance in the last post season should be enough to vault him into the #1 spot, and kick Jose Theodore to his rightful position at the end of the bench. Varlamov is the Caps goaltender of the future. He’s big, athletic, and positionally sound, playing like a pinko-commie J.S. Giguere.  His play in the crease should improve the Caps defensively, and makes them a threat to win it all.

Current Cap Hit: $57.290M

Players to Watch: Varlamov

What to Expect: More wins, simply via Varlamov refusing to allow the opposition to score.

Anaheim Ducks. Yes, you read that right. The Ducks shipped perennial douchebag Chris Pronger to the Flyers for younger, faster, less penalty prone prospect Luca Sbisa, and scoring forward Joffrey Lupul. They also added big, skilled forward Artyukhin, who has yet to live up to his potential, and class-act Saku Koivu. For the first time in years, the Ducks have as many skilled players as they have penalty taking, douchebagging, knuckle dragging thugs. Their top two lines will likely feature Corey Perry, Ryan Getzlaf, and Artyukhin, will the second line will feature Saku Koivu centering Teemu Selanne and Bobby Ryan or Joffrey Lupul. The front end of Anaheim received a serious upgrade in the off-season and will now challenge the West, in that they no longer roll 1 scoring line and 3 checking lines. Defensively, the Ducks are solid, and Scott Niedermayer, Ryan Whitney, and Sbisa should help the offense transition seamlessly from the defensive zone. Perhaps most importantly, J.S. Giguere should return to form after a difficult 2008/09 season. The passing of Giguere’s father was a difficult obstacle for him to overcome. This season, he should challenge Jonas Hiller for the starter, and it should come as no surprise if Giguere puts in a monster season. The Ducks will be a major factor in the West, and may be the toughest team to play against night in and night out.

Current Cap Hit: $55.055M

Players to Watch: J.S. Giguere

What to Expect: Little, if any, ice time for George Parros’ moustache

1) Anaheim Ducks East: They’re big, they’re nasty, and they’re skilled. Expectations for the Philadelphia Flyers are through the roof entering this season. As much as I despise Chris Pronger, he instantly upgrades an up and coming defensive group, featuring Braydon Coburn, Matt Carle, Ryan Parent, and Kimmo Timonen. They comprise as good of a backend as you’ll find in the east. Up front, the Flyers have a mix of skill and toughness, led by Jeff Carter and SHG scoring machine Mike Richards. For Philly to succeed, Danny Briere and Simone Gagne will need to avoid the injuries that have plagued their recent seasons. First round draft pick James Van Riemsdyk looks to stick with the big club this season. If he does and works his way into skating with Richards, he will be in the running for the Calder. He adds size, depth, and skill to a line-up that already has those things in spades. The only question mark, and it’s a mastadonian question mark, lies in Razor Ray Emery. His last season in the NHL was riddled with controversy, and he fled for the KHL. He returns to the NHL with a lot to prove. If he can be the goaltender that helped Ottawa to the Stanley Cup Finals, the Flyers will be the team to beat in the East. If he can’t, they’re in for a long, long season.

Current Cap Hit: $56.793M

Players to Watch: Emery, Richards, and Van Riemsdyk

What to Expect: The East’s only hope for winning the President’s Trophy

Detroit Red Wings: 9 consecutive 100 point seasons. 3 consecutive trips to the Conference Finals. 2 consecutive trips to the Stanley Cup Finals. 4

The Mule is good.

Stanley Cup championships in the last decade. Seems like every pre-season, the hockey mulletocracy write off the Red Wings. Too old. Too soft. Too Swedish. No goaltending. Every Season, Detroit is at or near the top of the heap. This year, the loss of Marian Hossa, Mikael Samuelsson, Tomas Kopecky, and Jiri Hudler mean they’ll crap out, apparently. Wrong. The wings reloaded with young playoff tested future stars Darren Helm, Justin Abdelkader, and Ville Leino. The additions of Todd Bertuzzi, Jason Williams, and Patrick Eaves is also hoped to add depth. The best defensive corps, led by Nick The Great remain intact (with the exception of Andreas Lilja’s melon) and will once again be the class of the West. In goal, Chris Osgood returns for another year of whining from the Detroit faithful, and another year of winning games. Detroit will be led offensively by Pavel Datsyuk, Henrik Zetterberg, The Mule, and Dan Cleary. Tomas Holmstrom looks to rebound from a disappointing and injury plagued 2008/09 season. Further, Valtteri Filppula will see an expanded role in the offense, and will be expected to fill the void from some of the offensive departures. Regardless, given the offensive chops up front, combined with their puck-moving D, Detroit won’t have trouble scoring goals. They must improve defensively, and especially on the penalty kill, to avoid many of last year’s difficulties, but they are coached by the best in the business, and will likely improve. That’s why Detroit is our pick to finish the best in the West.

Current Cap Hit: $60.291M

Players to Watch: Darren Helm, Ville Leino, Johan Franzen

What to Expect: Another season of dominance by the best franchise in the NHL

15) Atlanta Thrashers: There isn’t much to look forward to in the Dirty South this winter.  Kovalchuk is in a contract year, but, once again, he will be surrounded by…well, very little. The addition of Nik Antropov is an interesting one, and his play as Ilya’s pivot will go a long way in determining Atlanta’s trajectory this season. Unfortunately, the depth at forward in Atlanta is that of a thimble. There’s just nothing there. Kari Lehtonen and Johan Hedberg will backstop the thrashers. Lehtonen certainly has shown the potential to be a bona fide #1 NHL goaltender, but injuries and lack luster play in front of him has slowed his development. Still, his career .912 save percentage is nothing to scoff at. Atlanta’s young defense corps will continue their on the job training in front of Lehtonen. The addition of Pavel Kubina will potentially provide a mentor for Enstrom and Bogosian, but the backend will suffer continued growing pains. It’s going to be along winter in Hotlanta.

How would you feel about your chances with this guy leading your team in a contract year?

Current Cap Hit: $46.722M

Players to Watch: Antropov, Bogosian, Enstrom

What to Expect: Watching Kovalchuk skate in the post season…for another team.

Colorado Avalanche: The Avs will be the dregs of the western conference. Their legendary captain (the only one in Avs history) Joe Sakic has retired. Ryan Smyth has been run out of town. Fan favorite Ian Laperriere headed off to the Mighty Ducks East. And their starting goaltender has Ned F’ing Flanders painted on the back of his helmet. This is a recipe for disaster. It’s unfortunate, because Paul Stastny should be one of the burgeoning stars of the game, and the acquisition of Kyle Quincey gives them a solid young defenseman groomed by none other than the Detroit Red Wings’ unparalleled developmental system. Marek Svatos and Wojtek Wolski bring some speed and skill to the proceedings, but they’ve been anything but durable in their shot NHL tenures. The Avs have some prospects in the system (I’m looking at you, Matt Duchene), who will get ample on the job training with the big club, but one wonders if, given the revolving door in upper management in recent years, the front office has the patience to allow them to develop. This is especially poignant, given the fickle nature of Denver hockey fans.

Stupid sexy Flanders.

Current Cap Hit: $49.708M

Players to Watch: Statsny, Duchene, Quincey

What to Expect: Lots and lots of losing.

14) New York Islanders: The Islanders are an interesting case. They have been slowly amassing young talent now elder statesman Trent Hunter leads the youth movement along with former USHL spitfire Kyle Okposo, and the much ballyhoo’d  Jonathan Tavares. Doug Weight lends a veteran presence who put up solid numbers after being traded to the Isles last season. Mark Streit headlines an otherwise shallow defensive corps (Will Viktor Hedman be Garth Snow’s albatross?). The real intrigue lies in the crease, where a real log jam exists. $8M in cap money are tied up among Rick DiPietro, Dwayne Roloson, and Martin Biron. Only one of these guys have a start in a Stanley Cup Finals game, and, given the money being paid, it’s unlikely he’ll begin the season as a starter. It’s likely they will feature each of these three throughout the early going in the hopes of snagging prospects or draft picks near the trade deadline. The bottom line? The isles won’t be good this season, but they’re slowly building.

Current Cap Hit: $40.585M

Players to Watch: Hunter, Okposo, Tavares

What to Expect: Lots and lots of ice time for the youngsters to develop

Phoenix Coyotes: Arguably no other team in the NHL had as tumultuous of an offseason as the Phoenix Coyotes (well…maybe the Chicago

Hopefully #99 is taking a nice long vacation.

Blackawks, but I’ll get to that later). The future of the desert dogs is anything but certain, and the bankruptcy, potential move, the Great one out and Dave Tippet in could easily translate into low morale, especially on such a young team. The Coyotes have drafted well recently, and boast a formidable group of young forwards. Kyle Turris, Peter Mueller, Viktor Tikhonov, and Joakim Lindstrom head up a young and dynamic group with a great deal of potential. Unfortunately, the leadership they’re looking up to in the desert is Shane Doan. Jarome Iginla, he ain’t.  While the forwards feature a fast, dynamic, skilled group with great upside, the defense is comprised of the old in infirm. It is anchored (quite literally) by Ed Jovanovski. The greatest hole in this defense corps is the lack of a strong skating puck mover that can spring the speedy forwards for odd man rushes on the breakout. They have the cap space to acquire such a defenseman, and they would do well to knock on Chicago’s door and make a move to acquire Brian Campbell, or try and steal Kyle Quincey from the hapless Avs. All set in the goaltending and forward departments, an overhaul of the blue line would go a long way to pushing these dogs into playoff contention.

Current Cap Hit: $41.342M

Players to Watch: Mueller, Tikhonov, Bryzgalov

What to Expect: Lots of 50+ save games by Bryzgalov because the D can’t break out of    the Phoenix zone

13) Florida Panthers: With the loss of Olli Jokinen and Jay Bouwmeester in the past 12 months, the swamp kitties will rely on their talented young forwards to carry them to a playoff berth. David Booth, Greg Campbell, Michael Frolik, Nathan Horton, Rostislav Olesz and Stephen Weiss will be forced to shoulder a heavy load. Like Phoenix, they are saddled with questionable D, headed by Bryan McCabe, though Keith Ballard may continue to develop into a quality blueliner. If their retooled blueline can gel, the Panthers can make a run at a playoff spot in the Southeast Division, which has failed to live up to expectations the past two seasons. Unfortunately, with the exception of Tomas Vokun, the Panthers lack that truly dynamic player that can drive them to victory. Look at that roster. No Ovechkin. No Malkin. No Iginla. No Datsyuk. No Rick Nash. Until they either uncover that type of player already in their system, or add one via trade (and no, Ilya Kovalchuk is NOT the answer) or free agency, they will languish in mediocrity.

Current Cap Hit: $51.070M

Players to Watch: McCabe, Ballard, Horton

What to Expect: Fans throwing plastic rats on the ice.

Hopefully the Wild faithful can get used to a world class goal scorer that also back checks.

Minnesota Wild: The State of Hockey will have to hope the Golden Goofs can make the NCAA Frozen Four, because this Wild team is going nowhere. The addition of Martin Havlat is an improvement over Marian Gaborik, and will complement the supremely talent (yet terribly underrated) Mikko Koivu. Unfortunately, the Wild’s offensive depth drops off considerably after the top line. The departure of Jaques Lemaire likely means the end of the trap era in the Twin Cities, yet this team doesn’t have the pieces to fully embrace an up-tempo style of hockey. Brent Burns gives them a mobile puck moving defenseman, and leads an interesting group that includes Greg Zanon and Marek Zidlicky. The Wild’s strength will once again be in the crease, as Nicklas Backstrom looks to bounce back from injury. As much as the Wild brass would like this team to open things up offensively, a line-up featuring agitator Cal Clutterbuck and heavyweight pugilist Derek Boogaard simply cannot play a responsible end-to-end game.

Current Cap Hit: $53.634M

Players to Watch: Koivu, Havlat, Burns

What to Expect: Unequivocally, the best roster of crazy hockey names in all the NHL

12) Tampa Bay Lightning: Look at the Tampa Roster. Really. Look at it. These guys should be great, right? St. Louis? Lecavalier? Malone? Stamkos? And, well, no one is questioning Tampa’s ability to put points on the board. The problem is they can’t seem to stop the opposition from putting up more. Only the Islanders, Thrashers, and Maple Leafs allowed more goals against per game last season. The occasional defensive lapse in Tampa would be a step up from the general ineptitude and malaise that plagued them last season. The front office has completely re-tooled the back end of this team, drafting Viktor Hedman, whom they hope will be mentored by free agent addition (and fellow Swede) Mattias Ohlund. Andrej Mesaros looks to round out the top 3 on D. After that, the Lightning will choose from any number of options. How this team structures their blue line will determine their fate in the east. Mike Smith will be challenged by Antero Niittymaki for the #1 goaltender spot, but things are tenuous at best here. A major question will also be the development of Steven Stamkos. Barry Melrose was vocal in that Stamkos was overhead last season, and his play for the first ¾ of the year proved that Melrose, for perhaps the first time in his career, was right. Though his play improved somewhat at the tail end of the season, this season will be telling. Was throwing Stamkos to the wolves early on help or hinder his long term development?

Current Cap Hit: $51.352M

Players to Watch: Hedman, Stamkos

What to Expect: Who cares. Without The Mullet, they’re no any fun anymore

Nashville Predators: Once again, the Nashville Predators will ice a team that is defensively sound, well coached, and brings solid goaltending to

Too, too many stupid penalties in the Music City

every game. And once again they’ll fail to make the playoffs. Despite the rampant douchebaggery of Jordin Tootoo, the Preds have an interesting (albeit aging) corps of forwards, featuring J.P. Dumont, Jason Arnott, and Steve Sullivan. If Sullivan can return to form after a lengthy absence, they may have more firepower available than in previous years, which is to say slightly more than none at all. The real story in Nashville is at the blueline, where the organization has shown a keen eye for defensive talent. Shea Weber, Ryan Suter, and Dan Hamhuis head up a speedy, skilled, and gritty group that keeps the preds in most games. They’ll play in front of Dan Ellis and the much ballyhooed Pekka Rinne between the pipes. The good news is that Trotz can coach ‘em up, and their D is stout. The bad news? They’re in the Central Division of the Western Conference. Anywhere else they’d have a shot at first in the division. Here they’ll be lucky to finish fourth.

Current Cap Hit: $41.162M

Players to Watch: Their blueliners. All of them.

What to Expect: Tootoo getting booed in every arena outside of Tennessee

11) Ottawa Senators: I guess the big news is that they shipped Dany Heatley out of town, and added Milan Michalek, Jonathan Cheechoo, and Alexi Kovalev. Add Mike Fisher, Daniel Alfredsson, and Jason Spezza to the mix and, in theory, they have two formidable scoring lines. In practice, perhaps it best to temper expectations. Spezza has been continually criticized for his play in the Capital of Canuckistan. Alfredsson is againg and his production has generally dropped since his monster 05-06 season. Regardless, Ottawa looks to have adequate depth up front. The big issue will like on the back end, where their D is headed by Chris Phillips and Anton Volchenkov. The Sens defense isn’t exactly awe inspiring, and they’ll rely heavily this year on Pascal Leclaire to bail them out. They should be competitive, but will likely fall short of the playoffs yet again.

Current Cap Hit: $54.246M

Players to Watch: Jason Spezza, maybe.

What to Expect: No one in Ottawa watching the NHL Playoffs again.

Edmonton Oilers: I don’t know what it is about Edmonton, but they have struggled mightily in recent years to attract and retain marquee talent. They have the best ice in the NHL, a rabid fanbase, and extra friendly meteorologists. What’s not to love? Fortunately, the Oilers have been successful at drafting talent these past few years, and could make noise in the always overrated North West Division. The biggest change is behind the bench, where Pat Quinn and Tom Renney call lines. Their experience could benefit an otherwise young squad. Their combined 2000+ games of coaching experience will bring out the best in yet another young skilled cadre of forwards. The coaching staff will demand commitment and dedictation from Sam Gagner, Robert Nilsson, Patrick O’Sullivan, Andrew Cogliano, Dustin Penner, and Tom Gilbert. If these players respond, they will be a formidable and deep group. The biggest splash in the offseason (aside from the Heatley debachle) was the acquisition of Nikolai Khabibulin. A Stanley Cup winner fresh off a run to the Western Conference Finals, the Bulin Wall is likely an upgrade over Dwayne Roloson. Their defense features the oft off-target howitzer of Sheldon Souray, and smooth skating puck mover Lubomir Visnovski. These Edmonton Oilers would be a lock to land a playoff spot in the Eastern Conference. As it stands, they’ll battle all season for a spot in the uber-competitive Western Conference.

Current Cap Hit: $54.546M

Players to Watch: O’Sullivan, Gagner, Visnovski

What to expect: An exciting team on the best ice in the NHL making things interesting in the ultra competitive Western Conference

The Leafs finally have a Swede than can lead them to the Stanley Cup Finals

10) Toronto Maple Leafs: Brian Burke has begun his transformation in Toronto, and they look to be markedly improved this season. The addition of Phil Kessel in the preseason is the biggest story, but one has to wonder if Kessel is the real deal, or if he’s the product of skating with Marc Savard. It bears noting that only 7 of Phil the Puckhog’s 36 goals came against playoff teams. Further, only 6 goals were scored down the stretch (February/March). These numbers aren’t exactly the mark of a superstar. Yet, it appears that the hopes of the Leafs will rest on Kessel’s shoulders. Toronto looks interesting (aside from Kessel) up front, and they have a number of prospects that looked good in the pre-season. On the back end, the addition of Francois Beauchemin immediately upgrades their D and will provide some veteran leadership and a Stanley cup pedigree for Luke Schenn. The remaining question is how long before The Monster displaces the disappointing Vesa Toskala in net. I give it til December.

Current Cap Hit: $59.813M

Players to Watch: Schenn, Jonas Gustavsson

What to Expect: The most improved team in the NHL

L.A. Kings: The kings have been quietly stockpiling talent in recent years, giving them an stout young roster that was dealt a major blow by the unnecessary signing of Ryan Smyth in the off season. The loss of Kyle Quincey. Drew Doughty, Jack Johnson, and Matt Greene remain, and the addition of Pens defensive specialist Rob Scuderi lead a promising defensive corps, while Anze Kopitar, Dustin Brown, Alexander Frolov, Wayne Simmonds, and Jarret Stoll fill out a fast, skilled, and gritty group of forwards. The big question mark lies in goal, where Jonathan Quick will be the likely starter over Erik Ersberg. This team should battle for a playoff spot, have cap space to play with, and will be exciting to watch.

Current Cap Hit: $49.099M

Players to Watch: Greene, Doughty, and Johnson

What to Expect: 2009s version of the 2008 Chicago Blackhawks

9) New York Rangers: The Rags rolled the dice in the off-season on sand bagging, one dimensional, man of glass Marian Gaborik, in the hopes that

Why's Gabby smiling? He just laid a cool million taking the under on how many games before his groin explodes.

his dynamic offensive skills can carry them deep into the playoffs. Unfortunately, with world class douchecanoes Sean Avery and Donald Brashear, Gaborik’s ice time will be limited, as his defensive ineptitude precludes him from a penalty kill position. The rags are shallow at forward and will have to rely on Henrik Lundquist to carry them all season. He has demonstrated a keen ability to do so in the past. Lundquist will likely get more help this season from a more experienced D in front of him, particularly Marc Staal, who has developed into an dependable stay-at-home blue liner. If Wade Redden can minimize his defensive lapses and commandeer the powerplay, they will be competitive. Until Gaborik’s groin spontaneously combusts. Again.

Current Cap Hit: $52.614M

Players to Watch: Henrik Lundquist

What to Expect: Hysterical laughter from folks wearing Minnesota Wild jerseys

Dallas Stars: The perfect storm of Sean Avery and Steve Ott yielded a monumental collapse in Texas last year. The karmic consequences from having two of the most reviled players in the league may have led to the rampant injury problems in the Stars line-up, and also drove some shake ups in the front office. This year, the Stars have high hopes, but will fall short. They still boast excellent goaltending in Marty Turco, and their front end is stout (though aging, which may yield additional injury issues going forward). Richards, Ribeiro, Modano, Lehtinen, and Brunnstrom should put up points, but their defense will likely yield nearly as many. The departure of Sergei Zubov will leave a gaping hole, unlikely to be filled by their current blue liners. Dallas should have a better season than the last, but it will not translate to a playoff spot.

Current Cap Hit: $49.197M

Players to Watch: Brunnstrom, Sutherby

What to Expect: They will continue to be reviled in the Western Conference because Otter is a dick

The Detroit Red Wings today signed veteran winger Todd Bertuzzi to a one year contract. This will be Bertuzzi’s second stint in Hockeytown, as he was acquired at the trade deadline 06/07 from the Florida Panthers. Following the trade, Bertuzzi notched two goals, two assists, a +3, and 6 PIM in 8 regular season tilts. In the playoffs, he tallied 3 goals, 4 assists, a -2, and 15 PIM. Since then, he bounced to Anaheim, then to Calgary where he put up 44 points on an offensively shallow team. The Bertuzzi signing is the third in a string of strange free agent signing made by the Detroit brass (Patrick eaves and Jason Williams being the first and second, respectively). The mercurial Bertuzzi has been a shell of his former self ever since the Moore incident and his subsequent back problems. It is uncertain what, exactly, Ken Holland hopes to add. Some are heralding this as adding toughness, while others are questioning the necessity of a player with a lot of skeletons in his closet and on the backside of his career. What exactly is going on here?

At first blush, it looks as though Detroit is trying to add some veteran depth to the offense, but considering the role that Zetterberg, Datsyuk, and Dan Cleary play, one wonders how necessary it is. Detroit’s front two lines (let’s assume they’re composed of Zetterberg-Datsyuk-Holmstrom, and Franzen-Filppula-Cleary) have a great deal of Stanley Cup jewelery, international championships (the Swedes, in particular), and impressive individual hardware. When you consider that the Detroit offense is bolstered by Nick The Great and Brian Rafalski, the argument that Detroit needs additional veteran leadership falls flat. Especially when you consider that leadership has never been a strong point in the mercurial Todd Bertuzzi.

An alternate hypothesis is that the kids aren’t ready. Detroit has built istself in the cap era on drafting skill, developing it methodically, and unleashing it upon the unsuspecting. The latest crop of young talent in the system are no exception. Darren Helm, Ville Leino, and Justin Abdelkader have proven themselves in the crucible of the Stanley Cup Playoffs. I t is difficult to see them being sent back down to languish in Grand Rapids (though this looks like it is guaranteed with Abdelkader) while Bertuzzi, Williams, and Eaves eat up minutes. Jonathon Ericksson proved last season that the Grand Rapids kids can be ready before Holland and Babcock would like to have to test them. Ultimately, this is particularly unfortunate, as native son Justin Abdelkader quickly became a fan favorite in the motor city, and his energy will be missed in the regular season.

Detroit has, however, developed a successful system centered around a strong net-front presence. The top two lines (in the past) have featured Tomas Holmstrom and Johan Franzen, driving the net harder than anyone in the league, and banging in garbage goals. Perhaps Detroit is looking to extend this to a thrid line of Leino-Helm-Bertuzzi. Leino and Helm have the speed and skill to cycle the puck in the corners and battle along the half boards while Bertuzzi sets up shop in front of the net. If he can rediscover his past goal-scorer’s touch around the net, this could become a formidable 3rd line that puts points up on the board.

This may also serve as motivation for battling for roster spots. Eaves, Williams, Maltby, Draper, and Bertuzzi look to fill in the botton two lines. Whomever shows the hunger to battle and win those coveted roster spots. This may be the catalyst for the team in the early going to show the spark they lacked for much of the 08-09 campaign.

The final hypothesis is that they hope this reclamation project will provide a safety net in case Tomas Holmstrom remains the player he was this past spring. Holmer did not seem to have recovered fully from injuries, looked out of condition, and was unable to create the net-front havoc that has put dinner on his table and Stanley Cup rings on his fingers since 1997. It’s possible that Bertuzzi is Holland’s way of hedging his bets in case The Demolition Man is unable to play at the level he did in 07-08.

The bottom line is that Ken Holland and company felt the need to add roster depth. The choices have certainly been interesting ones. While it’s hard to see the logic in them now, Ken Holland has proven time and time again that he is the best GM in the NHL (if not professional sports) for a reason.

*Come on…don’t act like you’re not salivating at this latest incarnation of the broadstreet bullies. Daniel Carcillo? Scott Hartnell? Ian Laperriere? Chris Pronger? Razor Ray Emery? This team is going to be hysterical! Mark my words…Mike Richards will set the single season short handed goal record.

*Edmonton weather girls excepted

This can’t bode well for the regular season, can it?

Good luck, Theo. I’m sure someone’s missed you.